As I began my canal walk, I thought to myself, “Nobody actually reads the Bible, do they? They just use it to have power over other people,” and then I saw a company sign on a hopper that said “Alchemy Metals”.
When I finished my walk, I thought to myself, “Hitler’s UFOs against the New World Order, Hitler’s UFOs against the New World Order”—and then I saw a barge called Alchemy.
So it started with the Bible and it ended with Hitler—as is so often the case.
I read the Bible three times—once I skim read it at university; then, in my 20s, I read it normally; and then, a few years ago, I read it all the way through out loud.
I read a book by an American lawyer from the 1930s about contradictions in the Bible—he was brought up in the Bible Belt and he had been a prize winner at biblical knowledge.
He knew the book back to front.
That was how he noticed all the contradictions.
And he was like a scorned lover—because he had really believed in this book, really knew it back to front.
And then he snapped—he saw all the contradictions, all the factual errors, all the inventions.
He became bitter and angry—his whole tone was sardonic.
After all, it is the basic law of logic—non-contradiction, if it contradicts itself it cannot be true.
So all he had believed so fervently could not be true.
But he was one of these unbearable people, like people who are just believers in the Bible—he had turned into the opposite, he was tendentious in his rejection.
I cannot quote the Bible at you.
If you say, “What did Jeremiah say?” I don’t know—I don’t know that he did anything, or said anything.
There are many people, people who win Bible competitions, like that lawyer, who could quote you chapter and verse.
I cannot do.
I only took the spirit from the book, not its contents.
The same as I did when I read The Koran out loud to myself, when I read Zen tracts to myself, when I read the Greek myths.
I am a contradictory man—I am not a trained lawyer, a trained Pharisee.
Who wants to catch you out.
Perhaps that was this American’s problem—he read the Bible as a lawyer.
But the enemies of Jesus were all lawyers.
I do not know any holy text to quote at you.
I just read their rhythms into me.
And, as I thought this to myself, I walked past a new shop called “Balanced Witchcraft” and then a sign that said “Heavenly”.
So I must be on the right track.