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(192) Černý trh

I had a few social media accounts with a following about two years ago—on one I even had an article that went into 100,000s of views; then, one day, I deleted them. Then I received emails from people—with slight insinuation—that hinted that they “had” my articles saved and were “patching them back together”. The idea was “gotcha”—they thought I deleted the accounts because I was embarrassed by what I had written or because my work circumstances had changed I was afraid what I had written might damage my career; so they thought they could menace me, in a friendly way of course—they were just keen to preserve my material…

What was my motivation? I don’t know. I just walked through a park one day and suddenly an intuition—it would be too much to call it a thought—compelled me to delete them. There was no calculative reason behind it, there was no plan—it was not a recuperative strategy to present myself in one way or another. Yet people are very attached to the written word, it has an inherent magical character—the Romans said that speech flies but words remain; and, indeed, it’s often not so much what you say as how it is said or the medium in which it is said. Hence a friend cut me off because I said something about women in writing—just as people complain about immigration in the pub, but put the same words on YouTube and it becomes, contextually, another thing altogether (perhaps actual “hate speech”).

I live with minimum calculative thought—I don’t know where my decisions come from, even when they’re fully rationally thought out; and I think there’s long-distance rationality to intuitive decisions (sometimes I just walk out of places or go to a certain place—I don’t know why). Per Jung and Heraclitus, repressed unexpressed things drive and oppress you subconsciously—so express it early, before it incubates into a dragon in your mind.


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