A terrible thing has happened: I am a man with a great interest in women, money, and social status—however, I am so interested in the above that I have become absolutely paralysed and unable to attain any of them. So paralysed am I that, as a substitute activity, to avoid the risk of failure, I have set out on a spiritual quest to find the Holy Grail. In the process—through creative procrastination, effectively—I have established that God exists, Jesus Christ died and resurrected, Buddha was enlightened, and that Muhammad spoke to the angel Gabriel (in addition trolls, dwarves, elves, nymphs, giants, and sylphs are all real—as are all the old gods). This is all just factual—as normal as trees, stones, and the wind; the only reason not everyone can see this is so is that they are too selfish and self-absorbed (I had this confirmed to me by a glowing orb and a light flash at a Neolithic monument—so I’m sure it’s true).
I presume that there must be an analogue to myself—a wealthy, high status, and sexually adored man who has acquired the above because his true desire is to pursue a spiritual quest and yet he is too nervous to begin, lest he fail, and so has built some vast empire in the material world. This may seem absurd to you, but it is absolutely how these things work—trust me, that’s the kind of spiritual insight you get when you do this kind of thing.
“So you’re saying that you can see these things and know these things precisely because you are, in fact, an enormously egotistical and selfish person, yet one who is so egotistical that he is unable to mobilise himself in the real world?”. Precisely that, it’s completely retarded but absolutely true—all these insights were the last thing in the world I wanted, yet now I find that I simply must reform the Roundtable and recover the Holy Grail.